Posted in Pao Sip, Random Ridiculousness, Recipes on September 23, 2010 | 1 Comment »
Last week Chow.com sent me a recipe for a beverage called “Lucky Tiger.” I found the recipe rather timely considering I’d just returned from a trip to Southeast Asia, visiting Thailand, Laos and Cambodia.
While in Thailand my travel buddy and I came across something called a “Lucky Buddha,” only this was no cocktail.
No, my friends, it’s the ol’ one-two punch trickeroo often used to dupe unsuspecting tourists. Let me layout the scenario: (more…)
Posted in Pao Chow, Random Ridiculousness, tagged cafeteria antics, colbert, on notice, Pao Chow, the office on March 10, 2010 | 1 Comment »
Rarely do I write about stories outside the normal SF Tao of Pao realm (eating, drinking, being active, restaurants, recipes, etc). However, on occasion a story is so over-the-top and entertaining to me that I break the rules and decide to include it here for your reading pleasure. A past example includes my entries on the Phantom Food Stealer (http://sftaoofpao.com/pao-chow-parent/the-return-of-phantom-food-stealer/) that has been plaguing my company’s kitchen for the last several months.
I did not think there would be another story that could trump the sheer ridiculousness of that ongoing battle. But…I was wrong. I feel this story relates, because while it is not set in a restaurant, saloon or outdoor setting, it did happen this very day in my company’s cafeteria.
My colleague Jacki and I headed over to the cafeteria for our usual noontime grub fest. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. The sun was shining, friendly greetings were exchanged between us and fellow coworkers, we both felt in great spirits. I would not say there were any signs of a disturbance of the natural corporate order.
We walked through the door to grab our lunches and on our way, we crossed paths with a short, plump, red-haired older woman who was bolting through the cafeteria at top speed. Jacki and I both stopped to avoid a collision (which let’s admit happens every once in a while in hallways or cafes at work – NBD – until today that is). The woman lightly grazed by Jacki, then spun on her heels, shooting us both an icy look that could turn water to ice. I was taken back by the look, and said apologetically, “Oh, I’m so sorry!”
That’s when the “you know what” broke loose. The woman (who we have now aptly call Cafeteria Wench) shot us a look of death, like we’d just stolen the last cream puff from her private stash. She looked at me and snarled, “Not you, HER!” Then she motioned to Jacki. Before we could comprehend what was happening, she followed up with a second snarl directed at Jacki, “What is your problem?!” I write double punctuation marks so you can hopefully appreciate the full nastiness and tone of this person’s words.
Jacki and I stood back, dumbfounded, incredulous over what had just happened. Were we secretly filming an episode from “The Office?” This is a small company! Things like that don’t happen here! This is worse than honking at a coworker in the parking lot (you don’t know when you’re going to have a meeting with them again! Etiquette people.) I have to say, Jacki and I both looked at each other with a look of sheer bewilderment, and then a couple minutes later, burst into laugher at just how ridiculous this all was. The most preposterous part? That woman was barreling through the cafeteria and would have slammed into us! If Jacki had not stopped, it would have been a full-force collision. Just imagine our cafeteria adversary’s response then!
So in determining next steps (by the way, we have no idea of that woman’s identity) we opted to follow in the footsteps of our hero, Stephen Colbert. We put that Cafeteria Wench on notice for unnecessary roughness and copping an attitude in a small, public setting. You may already know about this concept, but just in case, occasionally things or people anger Stephen Colbert of The Colbert Report so much that he puts them “On Notice.” That is the last step before being moved to the “Dead to Me” list. We realize that the woman from today may have just had a bad day. Maybe she received some bad news (which in no way justifies her egregious behavior) so that is why she’s not yet on the “Dead to Me” list.
Check out the other items on my “On Notice” list in the image above. This is an ever-changing list. If you would like to make your own feel free to update this link with your Top 8 On Notice offenders.
Posted in Pao Chow, Random Ridiculousness, tagged food stealers, Pao Chow on January 21, 2010 | Leave a Comment »
Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the work refrigerator to store your “Eating Right” entrees for future enjoyment, the Phantom Food Stealer strikes again.
Too bad his (or her) gig is up. Given the rainy conditions outside today, I opted to skip the cafeteria’s offering of Saffron Cauliflower soup and just go cardboard style with my Digiorno pizza for one. Earlier this week I brought in a selection of microwaveable items (don’t hate me sustainable food or Michael Pollan fans) to get me through the week. When I opened the freezer, I noticed that one of my “Eating Right” entrees had gone missing (Turkey Lasagna is apparently all the rage for thieves right now) . Was I surprised? No. This is not the first time Phantom Food Stealer has heisted my food. This is the third or fourth time (see posts below) that I’ve been a victim of petty theft at work.
http://sftaoofpao.com/pao-chow-parent/phantom-work-food-stealers-and-ways-to-deal-with-them/
http://sftaoofpao.com/pao-chow-parent/phantom-food-stealers-strike-again/
http://sftaoofpao.com/pao-chow-parent/and-the-plot-thickens-phantom-may-be-actual-practical-joker/
So what was so different about this time? Well, my friends, this time I was VERY close to catching the food thief in action. Why? Well, after I noticed my food had gone missing (and immediately shared the sheer hilarity of the situation with nearby coworkers) I shrugged it off and moved to the microwave to heat up my pizza. I noticed that the microwave had something already in there. I waited patiently for 4 minutes and then removed it, placing my Digiorno inside to heat up. That’s when I saw it. Evidence! The packaging from my “Turkey Lasagna Eating Right” was in the trash. Which means the following:
1) Said food stealer had definitely taken my food within minutes of my arrival
2) Interestingly I waited another four minutes for my pizza to heat up. And the food stealer did not show. Which means I have a feeling they realized I was waiting and it could become a potentially awkward work situation leading to avoidance.
My reaction? Lots of laughs and semi-feigned frustration (note I say semi). I grabbed my pizza. Put the Turkey Lasagna out for the food thief and headed back to my desk, deciding it best to avoid a very awkward situation (What if it’s someone I know well? How will I interact with them going forward? What is the right way to handle this?)
I got back to my desk, sharing all this with my friend Rob (who also volunteered to go back and find out the thief’s identity to satisfy his own curiosity). Then decided, wait, I’m going back to mark last remaining lunch in the fridge. Upon returning the lasagna was still there – meaning the person never came back to pick it up. I have a feeling they realized I was right there and on to them. So what did I do?
What any normal 29 year old would in this situation. I hearkened back to my love of all things Lord of the Rings, and decided to opt for a hobbit’s ”second lunch”, taking both my pizza and Turkey Lasagna back to my desk.
Imagine the food stealer’s reaction when he/she safely returned only to find the food they stole…stolen back.
I must say, this has been the highlight of my day at work. Till next episodes with the Phantom Food Stealer!
Detective Pao signing out.
Posted in Pao Chow, Random Ridiculousness, tagged Pao Chow on November 10, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
So I am sitting at my desk today and my coworker Joe drops by saying he has to ask me a “serious question.” I prepare, thinking this is related to work and then he asks, “Was your raisin bran a healthy version? Because I think I just found it.”
We walked over to the group cafeteria area and sitting up in one of the cupboards is my RAISIN BRAN! I definitely have never put anything in the cupboard in our kitchen so clearly someone, a very stealth opponent, has succeeded in playing a good practical joke. Now though, do I assume that this Eating Right Raisin Bran is my own? Or if I take it do I now risk becoming a Phantom Food Stealer myself?
I think I may leave a note on the box – to continue this charade. What began as a real case of phantom food stealing has seemed to have morphed into a game of friendly office pranking…And I am enjoying every minute of it.
Posted in Pao Chow, Random Ridiculousness, tagged Pao Chow on November 9, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
If you remember from last week, I posted the following entry on Phantom Food Stealers in my office: http://sftaoofpao.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?action=edit&post=183
Lo and behold the food bandit has struck again, this time closer to home (or in this case, closer to my desk). I came in this morning, ready to grab my regular morning coffee with coworker, Rob, and went to grab my box of raisin bran cereal. To my astonishment, my entire box of cereal was gone off my desk, not a trace of evidence left behind.
I’ve already called out the CSI task force to resolve such said burglary…or I just plan on locking up my food at my desk? Wow food bandit – you must be REALLY desperate to steal my cardboard-like consistency raisin bran. Or…is this perhaps just a friendly prank performed by one of the SF Tao of Pao blog fans? Either way, my reaction this morning was not anger, instead it inspired sheer shock and hilarity…And got me only more excited to share this with you all.
My planned note to said food stealer:
“Hello Phantom. I know of your existence. I see you lurking around. Stealing capacola, string cheese, raisin bran, even an oatmeal pack now and then. Your game is just about up. I’ve alerted the authorities. Expect harsh punishment to follow. Your truly – AP.”
Posted in Pao Chow, Random Ridiculousness, tagged Pao Chow on November 4, 2009 | 2 Comments »
So about a week ago, I went out to get my tires replaced on my car and picked up a tasty sandwich from local San Mateo deli, The Ravioli House.
http://www.townme.com/the-ravioli-house-delctsn-san-mateo-ca-94401
I opted for an Italian combo sandwich which will fill any healthy appetite with it’s homemade salami cotto, proscuitto, mortadella, provolone and garlic jalapeno spread. It has all the traditional fixins and is served on freshly baked bread from Le Boulanger (I recommend getting it on a soft roll or Dutch Crunch). I could only finish half of it (this thing is gynormous) so I took the rest back to work, excited to save for another meal later in the week.
Our office refrigerators are actively used by probably 50 people. There is a certain etiquette that goes with any work refrigerator I think:
1) Clean your stuff out after a week – no one wants to see live cultures in the refrigerator
2) Condiments are pretty much open territory for sharing (do we really need to ding people for taking a bit of salad dressing here and there? Come on people.)
3) Most important rule of all – do not take any food that is not your own. Especially if it is someone’s leftovers (who knows what they did to that before they put it in the fridge!)
4) If you want to be truly anal about it, label all your food and then hope that people respect it and leave it alone.
Generally, whenever I put anything in the fridge I can assume it will be there later. I was not so lucky this time around. Two days later I went back to the fridge, excited for my second dose of Italian meats and – !?! My sandwich was gone. I checked both refrigerators multiple times, and I even thought maybe there was a cleanout?! But then I saw a bag of food I’d left in there a day or two earlier and it was still intact. Let me be clear. My sandwich was not packaged neatly, or in a nondescript brown paper bag that could have been mistaken for someone else’s food. No, it was wrapped in parchment paper and that was it. Clearly someone saw it, grabbed it, and took it as their own.
Here I was with no lunch and no idea of where it had gone. Of course this was not the end of the world. I easily was able to trek to the cafeteria for a substitute meal. I was more irked by the fact that someone (phantom food stealer) KNEW this sandwich was not their own, knew it belonged to one of their 40 other coworkers and took it anyways! What if I saw them carrying it? What if I spit in it? What if I licked it and put it back in the refrigerator? These were all viable possibilities. Yet this person, this bandido, did not care.
I think it also fair to mention that this is not my first experience with phantom food stealers. In college I had 2 roommates (girls who pretended not to eat then proceeded to steal everyone else’s food) who regularly stole my food (leftovers, vegetables, unopened food – anything she could get her hands on). I once came home from a weekend trip only to find out that the perpetrator had eaten an entire quart of icecream of mine, thrown it out to hide the evidence, then replaced it and eaten down to the level it had been at. I have to give her credit, at least she replaced it. But think of all that effort? Isn’t it just easier to go to the grocery store and buy your own? One of our other roommates even went so far as to post a note on her ice cream that said something like, “If you eat my food, heads will roll.” Which brings me to the close of this blog.
So…I thought it only appropriate that I post some funny “mad office notes” that a friend sent me when she heard the story. I got a good laugh out of them. Given the small office culture of my company, I will not be employing any of these notes, but I probably will label or more properly wrap up my food going forward. And if you’re out there, phantom food stealer – WATCH OUT! I have my eyes on you…
Posted in Outdoors, Pao Fit, Random Ridiculousness, tagged Pao Fit, San Francisco on October 27, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
Go Car? More Like No Car!
We’ve all seen them. Those two-person yellow motor GoCars zipping around the city (actually not zipping, more like causing minor traffic jams along the frequented routes like Lombard St.). Some people honk at them. Others laugh and point. I’ve definitely done both. Yet I have to now admit there was always an inner desire to really test them out and see San Francisco, the beautiful city I call home, from a tourist’s perspective. When I received a GROUPON (http://www.groupon.com/san-francisco/) for a half price 2.5 hour GoCar tour, it sealed the deal. I managed to convince three friends to sign up for the Mister SF GoCar tour, geared more for San Francisco locals who want to see the back story behind our epic city. To fully prepare for the day, Phyllis (our GoCar Asian driver for the day) and I decided to dress the part and buy matching “I Love SF” t-shirts from one of the many memorabilia shops on Beach St, just for that extra dose of ridiculous.
So what exactly is a GoCar you may ask? Remember Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade? When Harrison Ford and Sean Connery take one of those two person motorcars to Berlin? This is not the same thing. But, yesterday did turn into quite the adventure in our 50 cc engine car, especially when we had to motor up some steeper hills. A GoCar is simply a talking car that utilizes GPS technology to provide an audio tour as you are traveling through the streets of San Francisco. There are two San Francisco locations for GoCar Tours, one in Union Square and the other right by Fisherman’s Wharf (a place I normally tend to avoid as any true San Franciscan does given it’s penchant for excessive, wasteful consumption). Note, GoCar Fisherman’s Wharf shares a warehouse with the Blazing Saddles company, so if you get done and need to work your legs out, you can always rent a bike for round 2. That may make this entry a little more in line with being Pao Fit, but I’m including it anyways.
There are multiple ways you can use a GoCar to see the city. You can choose to create your own route and pay hourly for your GoCar ($49 for first hour, $39 for second, $29 for additional hours thereafter) or there are three tour options: Downtown San Francisco, Urban Parks, and the Mister SF’s. Downtown San Francisco is a shorter tour, good if you are limited in time. It takes you through San Francisco’s older neighbourhoods like Chinatown, Union Square, North Beach and the Financial District.
Urban Parks is the most popular tour and if you are new to San Francisco or have not checked out the many city parks or vista points, I’d recommend this one. It takes you through the Presidio, out to Fort Point right beneath the Golden Gate Bridge and then through Golden Gate Park. You can also extend the tour and check out the other neighbourhoods you may pass through on the way.
Mister SF’s is the tour we selected. You might recognize the voice of Hank Donat, a San Francisco journalist who developed the tourist website www.MisterSF.com. As a local, this seemed like the best option with its promise of interesting facts and history surrounding San Francisco.
We arrived at the GoCar headquarters on Hyde and Beach at around 1PM. Temperature outside? About 80 degrees and not a cloud in the sky – quite possibly the best weather for an afternoon tour of the city. Check-in was very simple, we had to watch a small instructional video (PAY ATTENTION to this! It provides a lot of helpful information about the car’s functionality and what to do if it died during the tour – which proved very useful later on). Dressed in our “I Love SF shirts”, holding the free iced coffee we received from a friendly Starbucks barista down the street (people are just nicer here), and rocking shiny metal helmets, Phyllis and I were ready to “GO.”
We fired up the engine, peeled out of the driveway, and tore down Bay St at whopping 25 mph. We sped through the Marina district quickly then looped around the Palace of Fine Arts (which aside from being in the Hitchcock film, “Vertigo”, was also originally built to be a temporary feature of the Panama Pacific Exhibition). We passed through the Presidio Gate and followed Lincoln, all the while enjoying clear views of the Golden Gate Bridge. Just as we were about to head down the hill to cut through the more wooded area of the Presidio, our GoCar died. I jumped out, flicked the battery switch in the trunk, we pumped the brake and the car fired back to life. Phew! That could have been bad. We trekked down and followed the road past Inspiration Point, which provided a clear view of the cityscape of SF. The drive uphill made extremely clear how little power a 50 cc engine provides. I think I could have run up the hill at a faster pace, but at least I did not have to get out and push (which will happen if you take the car off-route and try and go up one of the steeper SF hills). The next half hour took us through the Inner Richmond, the Panhandle, and the Haight (where the GoCar pointed out Charles Manson’s’ old apartment – it has a gate up to keep out unwanted visitors – CREEPY).
We headed through Ashbury Heights, Cole Valley and then down into the Castro. Phyllis and I were in great spirits, we were getting a tan, cruising downhill at a good speed and were about to push through to the Mission. Unfortunately, this is where our luck took a turn for the worst. We pulled onto 18th and Diamond Street in the Castro, when our GoCar died for the second time. I tried to flick the battery switch again, but after 10 minutes, we realized we were stuck. GoCar? More like NO car! We called the company and they told us they’d send a replacement GoCar out in 20 minutes. You can’t abandon the car or you will get a $100 fine, so if the car breaks down your only option is to sit and wait for a new GoCar to arrive. Phyllis and I bunked up and actually made quite a few friends. The local mailman came to check on us, seeing if we needed his help or to borrow a phone. A number of curious people stopped by to say hello and find out what the deal was with the GoCar. One friendly guy offered to give us a ride, and when we said we had to wait, told us “I’m gay! I’m not hitting on you!” Soon after, I saw a naked man being pulled by his boyfriend on a neck-leash. Only in the Castro, but that is why SF is great! The time flew by and soon Serbio, GoCar staff man, showed up with a replacement. We were SAVED and ready to get back on the road. I was very impressed with the timeliness of the new car’s arrival. Phyllis and I switched into the second GoCar, but when we tried to turn the car on, lo and behold, it too was dead! The funny situation was soon becoming not so funny. We really could not believe this, nor could poor Serbio. He was very helpful and sympathetic, but after 30 minutes of intended mechanic work, the boss said we should take a cab back and we’d be refunded the fare.
Here we were. 2.5 hours later. Half the tour completed and only half a blog entry. When I talked to the personnel clerk and asked for a partial refund, they refused, and honestly were not too apologetic about the equipment malfunction and time wasted. I was shocked that a partial refund would not be possible, and when I tried to reason with the manager, I was told “Take it up with Groupon.” (Mind you, Groupon is a completely separate company that distributes coupons so this did nothing for me.) They did provide a voucher for another tour. Yet I have to say, it left a bad taste in both mine and Phyllis’s mouth. Was it worth it to take another chance at a tour and risk getting stranded for a third time? Not exactly the best customer service if you ask me.
Final Take: Pao Wow?
In the end, here is my honest take: GoCar tour = great idea for tourists and non-tourists. It’s a perfect option for seeing the city, enjoying the vista points, exploring the different eclectic neighbourhoods and learning about the unique history. Through it you may be even get to experience the open, welcoming and warm nature of native San Franciscans. Just hope your GoCar works because if you get stranded you may need to hit up a mailman, barista, or Castro local for some help. Based on my experience I would NOT give this a full Pao Wow rating. However, if technical issues do not scare you off and you are willing to take the risk I did enjoy the first hour of my tour immensely!
